Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
