They should really pass out barf bags in church
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
