It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
