I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
