so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
