On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
