it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
