I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
