idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
