Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
MIDGETS
????
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
