also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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