Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
