I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
