My liver just broke up with me...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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