Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we're so committed to being not committed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
