I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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