Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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