Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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