Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
