I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please, let me fuck your mom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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