broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
