Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
