I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
