Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
