She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
