I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
