I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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