he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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