This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pants are for mortals
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
