He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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