I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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