Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
