shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
