So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
