she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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