If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
