when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
