your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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