well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
