so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
