Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
