nut hugger
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
