she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
