It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So apparently I’m into choking now
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