Non-Jews are for practice
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
