There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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