the condom got lost in my hair
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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