I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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