Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my being single is dangerous.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
