Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Say something about gay babies.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
