Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
