I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
