So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
