My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
