EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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