Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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