I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to calm my uterus...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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