Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
