..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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