You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
