It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
