dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
