shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
its not stalking. its research.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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