She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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