You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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